dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
