If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
