the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
