$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
