i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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