his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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