Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
