That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
