i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
whose parrot is this?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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