Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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