Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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