I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
