So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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