so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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