I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
