Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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