I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
