I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
