I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
