The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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