Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
