Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
