I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
