you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
