I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
