Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
