I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize