Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
