he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
