Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
