god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
