so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
