dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
