my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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