They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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