whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
