U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
