we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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