I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
