well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
