I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize