I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
