I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he fucked my hip out of place.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
