Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
