this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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