Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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