I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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