"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
