I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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