I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
