My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
