Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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