Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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