Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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