It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
