I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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