Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
