Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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