I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
