not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
