I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
