toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
