Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
