Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
