He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
His nipple licking is glorious
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