When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
