I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
